are you serving me tea or malice?

The weather is increasingly hot and almost unbearable; however, I have learned to avoid anymore serious run-ins with the mosquitoes. THANK GOD! I have been busy at times, and not so busy at other times, so I apologize for slacking on my blog. Life is crazy like that, some of the most reliable people do the most unreliable things…Let me give you all a brief update as to my experiences here in India…Things have been difficult for me the past couple of days….I would say, I have learned more about the Indian culture in the past three weeks, than my entire stay here in India. A good example of this would be at lunch yesterday at Winnie’s house. Winnie’s youngest sister, Tinu, came to visit her and Ninnie, (Winnie’s eldest sister who is a doctor) as well as their 86 year old father. For the past couple of days, when I am not working at the centre, I have been tagging along with them to different places in Delhi. Yesterday, after a long day helping Tinu find gifts for her family back home and trudging along the sidewalks of the dozens of stores in the smoldering heat, we headed back to Winnie’s for lunch. As usual, Winnie always has a beautiful spread of what we simple Americans would call ‘lavish’. The General, Ninnie, Tinu, and Winnie, along with myself sat down to eat our lunch. Something I have always noticed is that when serving around the table the servants always skip me, and serve me close to last or last. Now, I wouldn’t mind this, as I don’t usually care about these things, (unless I am at home and mom serves Jessica before me), but it always seems as if they (the servants) go out of their way to do this, as I have noticed this happen on many occasions. I don’t know if it was the heat that had gotten to my head, or the frustration at not understanding why Shumshear (that is the head servant) skipped me when it would seem the only reasonable thing to do but to set the cup of tea next to my plate, but I was not having it this time, so very politely I asked the table: “I have always tried to be extra nice to the staff here, but I feel that, specifically, Shumshear doesn’t like me, I know this sounds petty, but I always notice that he skips me and serves me last.” There was silence at the table, and then Winnie and Ninnie started laughing. I immediately wanted to take back what I said, my mouth has always been my biggest downfall…(why did I have to ask, I thought to myself) After they stopped laughing they explained to me that everytime tea, in particular, is served, they serve mine the way I like it best, extra sweet and creamy, where as everyone else has their’s not sweet and much stronger.

My mind was expecting the worst out of someone, when in actuality; this individual was going out of their way to please me. There have been many moments in my life where I want to insert my foot into my mouth, but never have I had the urge to really bend down and bite all five toes! In my country were someone to do as Shumshear, we would think to ourselves, ‘why did he do that’. But in India, it is common knowledge that everyone’s tea is served a specific way, as the General says, in India, "we specialize in specialization"…. Perhaps in certain places back home this too is the case, but most of the time, if someone is serving tea, the host serves the same thing to everyone. Of course the elders are served first, this is par for the course at my home as well, but usually, we serve in the order of who is next to the person we just last served. Well, if that doesn’t beat all, then I don’t know what else does. I must say that being away from my home and my way of life has been an eye-opener as to how others live their lives. I know that the subject of being served first as opposed to last merely seems petty and not worth mentioning, but to me, this was the best and shortest way to explain that simple things like the order in which tea is served, can cause an individual, such as myself, to become confused and even a little offended. It is not always a very pleasant experience, that is, learning to understand other people's way of life, but it definitely is something that everyone must experience. There have been so many of these “experiences” that I can’t write them all down, and most would probably bore you, for most of the time we barely notice our mannerisms until we experience something that doesn’t resemble what we are most familiar with.

We all want to believe that the way we live our lives is the best way in which we know to do it, so many times when we encounter others that live their lives differently from ours, we are either tempted to make suggested improvements, or we shy away from those that do not resemble what is most familiar to us. Perhaps it is because we fear what we don't know, or maybe it is because it is more comfortable to be ignorant than to be enlightened to life's infinite possibilities. It can be too overwhelming for some to even imagine all life's possibilities. It is never easy to evaluate our inner-selves, and even less easy to admit to our imperfections. For the first time, I am starting to understand the importance of my own individuality and my willingness to question uniformity. Yet, I am also learning to address my own fears and prejudices, for we all have them.

"Our deepest fears and prejudices hide in the remote depths of our souls, only to be seen at the most opportune moment."-K

I am who I am~K